being nonbinary is a contradiction

 being nonbinary is a contradiction.

not because i am neither a man nor a woman.

but because i am hypervisible while being erased.

because they paint me as a danger while claiming i need protection.

because they gawk at me for who i am without seeing who i am.

because one day i'm all-powerful and they laugh at my weakness the next.

because somehow i am too loud without ever getting a say.

because i get attention in ways i never wanted and told that's what i was seeking.

because i'm too "woman" to be spared from violence but too "man" to talk about it.

because they insisted i wasn't cis when i thought i was but once i knew i wasn't that's all they wanted me to be.

because the world is slowly breaking binaries while building new ones from their ruins and they call it liberation.

being nonbinary is a contradiction. not because i'm a living contradiction but because i live in contradiction.