(no subject)

 sure, there aren't as many people being openly transmedicalist anymore, but the entire trans community has been medicalising itself more and more since i came out. 

 

there used to be the hardcore truscums and the inclusive crowd i'd surround myself with, who would take social dysphoria, euphoria and other social issues of transness as seriously as the medical part and uplift the social issues as much as the medical ones. 

 

now it feels more like an overmedicalised blend. neither of the two extremes seem to be visible anymore and they've met somewhere in the middle, which is not a good thing. 

 

now we're at a point where we don't really have anyone outright saying "social dysphoria isn't real", but the general sentiment that it's less impactful than body dysphoria. 

 

no one's directly saying "you're not trans if you don't medically transition", now we're left with an implication that every trans person does or wants to medically transition and that "trans bodies" equals "medically transitioned bodies". 

 

the term "trans" is more often than not used synonymously with "transition" and "transition" almost always means medical transition only.

 

social transition is now only ever talked about when it comes to trans kids. trans adults don't socially transition, they just transition, which, again, is usually used to mean medical.

 

and honestly i gotta admit i kinda liked it better when truscums were openly truscum because a) i could easily tell who to avoid, b) i could easily find my crowd (trendercore, anyone?) and c) it didn't feel like the entire community is constantly implying that i don't belong but i also can't say anything because no one outright excluded me.

(no subject)

 telling nonbinary, and especially abinary, people to "just make your own posts/spaces/whatever" when we dare talk about nonbinary & abinary exclusion in trans spaces is wild, because...

 

nonbinary people need to be included in all discussions on trans issues because we share so many experiences with binary trans men and women. abinary people need to be included because we share so many experiences with transmascs and transfems. we need to be included in trans spaces because many of us identify as trans.

 

but the reason we are excluded is exorsexism.

 

so we're forced out. we're forced to make our own posts and make our own spaces. and then what happens? we still don't get visibility.  exorsexism remains unrecognised as its own specific thing. exorsexism in trans communities remains unaddressed. 

 

it's not like we make our own posts and have binary & binary-adjacent trans people lift us up. that barely happens. it's more like we're either ignored or harassed for existing. people will seek out our spaces and our content to harass us.

 

many people don't really want us to have a space or a platform. they just don't want us "invading" theirs by challenging their binary worldview.

 

"just make your own stuff" keeps being used by queer exclusionists time and time again. it's been used against aces and aros in queer spaces. TERFs use it against trans folk. it's been used against bi+ folk too. it's literally just code for "you don't actually belong here, your issues don't matter, go do your stuff away from us so we don't have to see it", and it doesn't suddenly become okay when they do it to nonbinary & abinary people.

 

if you see a nonbinary or abinary person be angry at constant exclusion and exorsexism and your response is "just go make your own stuff", you have internalised queer exclusionist rhetoric.

(no subject)

 if you read "gender binaries are bad" and turn it into "people whose genders happen to be binary are bad" you either have a problem with binary fragility or with bootlicking and i'm having none of it.

 

the gender binary isn't men and women existing. the gender binary is men and women being the only valid options.

 

the gender binary wants nonbinary people dead. it's bad, alright.

(no subject)

 the fact that i as a maverique am even able to be affected by transmisogyny and transandromisia is in and of itself exorsexist, because it's only happening to me because cis people try to put me into a binary and are violent towards me based on that.

 

and many trans people are reproducing that exact same exorsexism by calling me transmasculine or transfeminine based on the discrimination i experience. even other trans people only see within the binary and uphold it.

 

oppressors are gonna be oppressive, but it would be great for other trans people to actually recognise the intersections between transmisogyny/transandromisia and exorsexism rather than going "ve experiences transmisogyny/transandromisia, so vis gender must be this".

 

this is not how oppression works. oppressors don't care about my actual gender if they decided to see me a certain way. i am being transmasculinised and i am being transfeminised. this doesn't mean that i actually identify as either. it's just what cis people misgebder me as, and it would be amazing if trans people could stop doing the same thing back to me as well.

 

stop binarising me. stop binarising transness. stop binarising nonbinary people.

(no subject)

 you might be a trans ally, but are you also an ally to nonbinary people specifically?

 

you might be trans, but are you an ally to your nonbinary siblings?

 

i've seen too many people be fierce allies to binary trans people but not to nonbinary people. or worse, they're outright hostile towards us. it's more common than you think. it's just erased, like us.

 

i've seen too many cis "allies" basically be like "of course you can identify as anything you want (as long as it's binary)", and tbh, i've seen binary trans people do the same thing.

 

i've seen too many binary trans people go "i'm not like those people".

 

i've seen too many people say "this legal thing is good for trans people" but 5 minutes of research showed it only helps binary trans people. people don't even actually think of us when they hear "trans".

 

there's also the whole issue of the trans community constantly throwing nonbinary people under the bus every chance they get, especially those of us who are not transmasc or transfem. 

 

i'm tired of cis allies being exorsexist and completely dismissing and erasing our existence but trans people happily accepting the allyship, because as long as it helps binary trans people it's good i guess, no matter how harmful it is to nonbinary people. i'm tired of cis allies doing nonbinary erasure is just seen as "nobody's perfectly and not a real problem", when it is literally further oppression. i'm tired of binary trans people being ok with cis allies being exorsexist because "got mine". exorsexism is real. it's not less important than transmisia against binary trans people. it's not "slightly annoying". it's fucking oppressive, as oppressive as transmisia as a whole. and we as nonbinary people face it in a community that should be ours, but makes it incredibly clear that they too think we shouldn't exist and that our specific oppression doesn't actually matter.

 

we cannot do this shit alone. we cannot fight for our rights of those who are meant to fight by our side ignore our existence, erase the very nature of our genders, talk about us like we and our struggles don't exist, treat us like we're not really oppressed, silence us when we talk about our specific issues, treat us like we're keeping the acceptable trans people from obtaining rights, deem us unreliable narrators of our lived experiences, exclude us from discussions about trans rights, ignore all the experiences we share with binary trans people and constantly misgender us in one way or another.

 

cis and binary trans people have the binary privilege of their gender being affirmed even within the gender binary, and they have a choice between using it to throw us under the bus or to be allies.

 

don't leave us behind. it's terrifying to know we pretty much only have other nonbinary people to have our backs.

 

(no subject)

"people having to to safety maths on whether to correct strangers on their gender and constantly having to recloset themselves isn't really that important."

ok, but the suicide rate of trans and nonbinary people people isn't 40% for no reason. what happened to

"gendering people correctly is suicide prevention"? this also applies to trans/n-b adults. not being seen for who we are is not a non-issue, it is often a death sentence.

 

and let's be clear about something:

casual misgendering is a microaggression.

and we know how microaggressions affect marginalised people. they slowly cut away at us until nothing is left.

we also know how gender dysphoria affects trans/n-b people. but a lot of people seem to forget that social dysphoria is a thing. it's all part of the continuous medicalisation of transness. inaccessibility of gender-affirming healthcare is a real issue whereas constantly having to choose between safety and the closet is somehow a non-issue. just because you can't perceive or grasp these social issues the same way as body dysphoria and medical treatment doesn't make them less real or less important or less fucking deadly. it also feels dismissive of nonbinary struggles because let's be real, we are disproportionately affected by this, because even if we present "hypernonbinary", whatever that even means, we will always be misgendered, always left to choose between compromising on who we are or risking bigotry.

some people really think the 40% only exists because people don't have access to gender-affirming healthcare when there are so many factors that all matter equally. in a way, the social one sucks especially because there is literally nothing i can do about it, no pill to take, no surgery to have, nothing will ever make people see me for who i am.

it's important, alright.

(no subject)

something i never see recognised as an intersection between transandromisia and exorsexism is the hypervisibility of nonbinary people who are afab or seen as afab. it's absolutely not a coincidence that people who are seen as "moving away from their natural womanhood", "rejecting womanhood" and "trying to escape misogyny" without being men are scrutinised, analysed and mocked so much. many people are talking about how transandromisia means being invisibilised and it does, but paired with exorsexism, it often means the exact opposite: being hypervisibilised. and the only time i really see this hypervisibility talked about is when people almost blame us for the invisibility of nonbinary people who are amab or seen as amab, almost framing hypervisibility as a privilege, rather than acknowledging that hypervisibility also sucks and is actually dangerous. there's absolutely lateral exorsexism that needs to be addressed, but we're not responsible for society's obsession with us. we dont have the power to invisibilise other nonbinary people on such a systemic basis, and i wish our

hypervisibility wasn't framed as something we're doing intentionally or should be grateful for but recognised for what it is: two forms of

oppression intersecting.

(no subject)

in terms of hurt, it doesn't actually matter that much if you misgender me accidentally or intentionally. will i forgive you very easily if you do it accidentally? yes. will i still cry about it though? probably. accidental disrespect is still disrespect. it's still gonna feel like disrespect. the very reason accidental misgendering even happens all the time is the transmisic, exorsexist system. acting as if accidental misgendering is somehow "fine" or less hurtful also feels incredibly dismissive of nonbinary people. i mean, most of us are gonna be accidentally misgendered no matter what we do. most people aren't gonna look at us and see a nonbinary person. in an exorsexist world, they're gonna see a man or a woman in us and misgender us. every day we go out we probably get misgendered and pushed into a binary by people without malicious intent. but it hurts and it takes a toll on our mental health. in terms of hurt caused, intent barely matters. like, sure, maybe sometimes it makes it easier to brush it off but i'll end up feeling at least "off" for the rest of the day if not longer. rinse, repeat. it's not okay, it's exhausting. it's painful.

 

(no subject)

  "gender binary" is the idea that there are only two genders, male and female. it's not the same as transantagonism, it's not the same as gender roles, it's not the same as the patriarchy. stop saying gender binary when you mean something else. being specific about what you mean matters, because it can make it much harder to talk about exorsexism and nonbinary-specific issues. cis binary women are oppressed by the patriarchy, but not by the gender binary. binary gender nonconforming people are oppressed by gender roles, but not by the gender binary. binary trans people are oppressed by transantagonism but not by the gender binary. this is obvious when you consider how many feminists only fight for women and think nonbinary people don't exist, how many people think people should be allowed to be gender nonconforming but nonbinary goes too far, how many trans allies happily support binary trans people while throwing nonbinary people under the bus. the gender binary is a specific form of transantagonism and patriarchal violence, but it's not synonymous. it's effects are exclusive to people who do not fit nearly imto either the male or the female box. all of these are strongly intertwined, but claiming it's the same erases specific issues, which already go unnoticed. being part of the gender binary, cis or trans, is an immense privilege that nonbinary people do not have.

(no subject)

 "being trans means that your gender is different than your (birth) sex." by that

definition, literally everyone would be trans because, newsflash, sex and gender aren't the same thing. everyone's gender is different from their sex because gender itself is different from sex. just because society made some weird rule about our bodies somehow determining our gender doesn't mean that trans and nonbinary people have to perpetuate this very idea that harms us. sex and gender being the same thing is a TERF talking point and it always leads to "gender isn't real" (yes, "gender isn't real" is TERF rhetoric and too many of you all are too comfortable saying this).

i'm trans because some doctor assigned a gender to me based on guesswork and got it wrong. i'm not trans because my "gender doesn't align with my sex" because there is *nothing for it to align with*, just a fucking body. and my body is a nonbinary body because it belongs to a nonbinary person. that's how my gender "lines up" with my body. the real problem is people misgendering me because of my sex, not my sex itself misgendering me.

it feels like saying my sexual orientation doesn't overlap with my blood type. like, of course it doesn't. because they're... different things.

being trans means that your gender is different from the one you were assigned at birth.

(no subject)

 misgendering someone isn't

bad because it can cause dysphoria.

misgendering someone is bad because it's fucking disrespectful.

it's not somehow more harmful to misgender someone with dysphoria than someone without.

"but dysphoria can cause suicidality!"

ok. you know what can also cause suicidality? constant disrespect. which happens to marginalised people on a systemic basis. and all trans and nonbinary people are marginalised.

we already know what even microaggressions do to your mental health. and misgendering is a macroaggression.