rude

as a neurodivergent person, the word "rude" has lost any meaning to me at this point. i'm rude for not making eye contact. i'm rude for my monotone voice. i'm rude for not talking enough. i'm rude for being blunt. i'm rude for doing something else while you talk because it helps me focus on what you're saying. i'm rude for getting triggered. i'm rude for speaking up about the systemic mistreatment and marginalisation of neurodivergent people (and any of my other communities for that matter). i'm rude for not wanting to take people's shit. i'm rude for not liking my words being twisted. i'm rude for not wanting to be erased, dismissed and misrepresented. i'm rude for existing. neurotypicals and otherwise privileged people have used this word so much to describe any and all of these that i don't know what they mean anymore beyond "i personally don't like what you're saying/how you're acting because you don't act the way i think you should". the standards of "friendliness" neurodivergent and otherwise marginalised people are held to are wild and impossible to reach. i know exactly why the word "rude" barely exists in my vocabulary. it's mostly just neuronormativity and tone policing.